Thursday, September 3, 2009

Sorting through thoughts and projects

What a week it has been. I have been working hard at the store, in the garden, at the stove (canning) and in the paint studio. And getting projects for the next few months for the design studio as well.

And when I work (at the jobs where there are not people around at least) I think, contemplate, cogitate and meditate. I see, find and follow threads.

One of the threads that has presented itself several times of late -- and has caused me to count my blessings -- is that of relationship endings. Three friends -- one very close and two less close, but no less liked -- have been part of break-ups of late. Of these three, the ones remaining (for the present at least) in the area or in some sort of communication are all guys. And being guys, mostly not given to a lot of chatter. But they are no less hurt and confused, just a bit less likely to sit around raking the coals with a woman friend. I am sure that the economy is a thread in at least some of these breaks.

One woman is badly stressed out by having found her youngest child is very, VERY sick, on top of (in my opinion) their being over their heads financially with the purchase this summer of an owner-finance house. When she was initially talking about the place, it had that "too good to be true" feeling but she and her fella saw none of the red flags. She moved in based on her commitment to working massive hours at a local nursing home and him working good job as well. But he has a history of many jobs/lay-off and such and that proved to be the case once again. Though he is working again now, his income is not enough to support the family, even at a subsistence level, while she stays home to care for their youngest. They have had a tumultuous relationship in the past and I learned last night that she moved home to her parents the previous day. He is camping out in a relative's basement, having let the house go, to be able to save and eventually move to where she now is and he hopes to get his old job back. I wish them well and think they might have a chance.

Another friend had his wife take the kids and head back home to another state some time ago. I dunno much about that, other than he misses the kids terribly. He is once again an over the road trucker, though earlier in the year or late last year I believe he sold his truck as he could no longer make a profit. Not sure if his being home made things better, worse or had no effect... but I know there is a phenomenon of returning spouses (like from the military) having issues with fitting back into the household full time.

The third situation is the one I am closest to and my only conclusion here is that the woman I knew must have never existed. She and I used to talk farming and gardening, goats and chickens and I cannot count the number of times she said she loved her animals. Now I don't know what to believe, as I was told she was going out of state for a week, and told a long story in confidence about why (which story gave NO indication she was sour on her marriage). We had a verbal agreement for working together this summer, but I was ok with the one week absence... but I was NOT ok when it turned into 2+ weeks even though she had assured me, point blank, that she would be in time for a particular engagement. I got into the middle of a big boondoggle with mutual friends on a social networking site when I chose not to break confidence and disclose what I had been told was the reason behind her absence. Now, as I say, I don't know what to believe. Before she "un-friended" me on the site, her posts were cryptic or mundane -- as if she were someone else talking about the daily bits of an existing life -- not someone who had run away from spouse, and her own parents who she had basically caused to move into her home. Now it seems she is attempting to write "the Maine years" totally out of her life. I just don't understand.

What I do understand is making sure you know your self -- well -- and being true to your self when you make commitments. And when, by chance, you discover you have gone down the wrong path (yes, it does happen to us all) extricating yourself gently and gradually. I understand throwing out the bathwater, I guess, and keeping the baby.
And even though I am not one to worry about "what other people think" I do understand that all our actions set off ripples across the web and that these ripples go much farther than even the best of us can see. I understand that seeing this CAN be paralyzing, but that we need to proceed with care and all the truth and honesty that we can muster, regardless.

I understand Intent and that it can do much, but it cannot "cover thy ass" when you make an ass of yourself.

I have learned that working with Intent and honesty and a truthful heart can bring you blessings far beyond what you might have hoped/prayed/been willing to ask for.
Which brings to me to what I guess amounts to an "thankful Thursday" place...

For I am thankful for K, for the fact that he tries and usually doesn't miss by too much, and for the fact that he keeps trying.
And I am thankful that even though I no longer am IN NC, the Cape Lookout National Park folk want me to work on their big annual newsletter.
And I am very thankful that my friend, and museum director, survived her car accident and is still forging ahead (albeit with chronic lack of sleep and hurting head) and has asked me to work on their annual publication as well, one more time. Fall was going to feel very empty without it.
And I am thankful to the Gods for giving me the Words of Wisdom each day to share
and for the hex sign orders, which just keep coming in. there is seldom a time these days that I do not have a hex in process for someone.
And I am thankful for having found our home. Even in my wildest imagines when we sell a lottery ticket at the store and the talk turns to "what would do do if you won" I cannot imagine living anywhere else than on this 4 acres.
And I am thankful for my health, for the fact that my body continues to work, even though it often hurts.
And for having the time and space to write this.

Blessed Be.


Tali said...

Amen! oh and I think I want the natural balance hex. yes. that is the one. I hope you have an injoyable "pulling in".

oldcrow61 said...

You're right, we sometimes don't stop to see how lucky we are with what we have and how wonderful life is.