On "just doing it" and why I hate loans

Been working in the garden a lot, finally getting to where there was time from planting to start weeding, then cold snap and now rain is promised for a few days so I was working madly to get some succession plantings in and maybe the tomatoes and peppers...

But I had to come in on account of the damn loan officer at the CU kept calling and so I didn't get done, not even close, and it's time to eat and go to work and my mind is a mess of thoughts about gardens and making do and how they did it in the old day, the pioneers on virgin prarie sod, trying to eek out enough food for the family while fighting the tough grasses. And I am reminded of why I hate applying for loans, and why I resist many of the fine points (or should that be financial points) of business plans. Stems from the 70s and my first venture at farming, when I was laughed out of the bank, several times...

mostly because I don't believe in putting myself in hock for big bucks and won't stop from doing (or starting) something just because I may not know everything about it and because I don't have all the "proper" equipment.

So here I am with an insanely grassy garden (mostly) that is getting weeded catch as catch can (beween all the other things demanding my attention) with a human powered high wheel cultivator, a hand cultivator and HANDS. And in the process the compost heap is growing with the pulled weeds and the driveway is getting filled with collected rocks

and the grass is growing higher and higher because the Credit Union can't find my credit reports and doesn't like disability and we don't make tons of $$ and so on, all the number-cruncher things that sooth the souls of accountants and loan officers, we are lacking in. (things like pictures of dead presidents, laying in a vault somehwere...)

And no, I will never have a "showplace" garden, but in a few years (tiller or not... ) it won't look like a neglected first year garden any more. And yes, the food WILL grow despite the weeds. Not as well as it would with no competition, of course, but we will eat and I am more than betting there will be stuff for market too. And more of that each year, you betcha...

You see, what happens while you are waiting is life... so I am not sitting around waiting for it to be perfect, as it might be in my imagination. When you do that, that's all you will ever have, and I prefer a few home grown 'maters and beans fought from the weeds now than stuff from the store in my bellyalone to augment the dreams in my head.

And somehow, it works.