For a week or so I have felt like I am standing in the ocean, feeling the tide coming in… with each incoming wave washing the shore higher and harder and pushing me forward along with it.
The push to clean and organize, to think of and plan the garden, to put on my farsight vision and look into the coming year, is strong and palpable and seems to come from far outside me. This morning, as I was sitting drinking my coffee and contemplating the universe, I first felt very depressed, tired, sad and overwhelmingly overwhelmed. But I was sitting in my Craft room, before my altar and almost immediately came a bit of reassurance: "hang in there.. this is the year for settling in, for getting in sync with this time and place. You'll have it figured out by next year." While that is good to know, it doesn't REALLY help my feelings of "OH MY GODS how am I to cope at the moment" but I know that too will pass as I continue to put one foot in front of the other. At times, that is not only the best, but the only approach. Just do it...
This is also, in the Northern Tradition, a time to honor the female ancestors (Disting) and to bless the plow and other implements of our work. And since I am working this as a Tide and not, thankfully, a particular day, there will be time enough for me to do this with ALL the implements of my work... from the computer (which was blessed physically, most recently, with a reinstall of software and a new external hard drive) to the paints and brushed in the Craft room, to the (as yet not physically present) tractor/tiller that will help in the garden, along with the cart.
As a physical manifestation of that blessing of distant tools, I will take the time to clean and tend the riding mower, which was (despite K's intention) put away dirty. And I have had the prompting to melt down the remaining candle ends and bits, to pour new small candles -- what part they will play in all this has yet to be shown to me, but I have put that on my list for tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a day that will start early, as we have a dr. appt for K Milo, at the doc's request, to talk about some of the issues we have not yet addressed. Some time back the counselor gave me a list of things she thought the MD should be looking at, and I have been holding the list, waiting for the "right time" to bring it up. Tomorrow it that time. We "should" be doing a major shopping trip but with me working and doing some eating at the store, we are not going through food as quickly as we had been, so I am unlikely to do it this time, in order to make the town trip a shorter one. K (and I for that matter) both need shoes and I need boots, so that will be on the list, but I do want to get back home effeciently so that I have some time here before heading out for my first Master Gardener class. Which reminds me, I need to take a check so I can pay them the $100 for that class!!
I had planned to do the candles tomorrow, but we will see... Wed I have to work (just a short day) so it may get put off until then, if I do not have sufficient time to properly do it tomorrow.
I am wondering if I am going to have to fight to keep from getting close to full time hours at the store as the season progresses? I am hoping not, as I told them, when I signed on, that I didn't want more than 32 hours -- 35 max... This week I was scheduled for 37, but managed to trade away 8 of them to a coworker who had a very thin week, so I am down to 29 which made me much happier, as it is closer to what I have been getting all along. I am glad, especially in this economy, to HAVE a job; I am even happier that I am in a position where I can live on less than full-time-wage-slave hours and at a realtively low wage at that.